Gang, it’s no secret that for my whole life, I’ve only wanted one thing: dog. Well, also toaster on a rail track that goes between the kitchen and my bed but mostly, dog. A dog, specifically. Or multiple, I’m not picky. But I’ve never ever had a dog and by god, I’d like to have one! And I know what you’re thinking, “hey dingus, then go get one right now, they’re waiting for you!” NO, I’m not ready. Honestly, I’m still in my Look Out for Number One lifestyle but I amcurrently managing and financing a very serious bird feeder operation. Call it practice.
Anyway, I may not be ready to own a dog but I am very ready to name a dog. I have a list of six dog names, unranked, that I’d like to share with you now. Accompanying each name will be a picture of what I imagine this dog would look like.
Cobalt
Everyone, this is Cobalt. He was named so because Cobalt is objectively the coolest color name and not a half bad hue either. Saying the name ‘Cobalt’ lets your mouth string together a hard C, B and TEH sound which is both sonically and hard-palately pleasing. Cobalt, stop chewing on your foot.
Those who know me know that I have a special affinity in my heart for pets with human names. There’s something so inherently funny about a goofy dog that licks itself three times an hour being greeted by such a civil name as Thomas or Christine. The name ‘Greg’ takes it a step further as ‘Greg’ is the squishiest and bounciest of all human names. Just sound it out. Gerrrrrreggggggg. It’s basically the name equivalent of one of those rubber Kong chew toys. Perfect for a dog while also probably being the name of one of your neighbors.
Waffles
Awwwww, he’s eating his namesake!! Also funny as a dog name: food. To me, the funniest food name is Waffles: a breakfast meal that is zanily covered in squares and features both a W and two consecutive F’s. Hell, you could end it in a Z and you’ve hit maximum hilarity potential for a food dog name, imo. Plus it helps that waffles are better than pancakes DO NOT @ ME
Mister Bones
Okay, I know I said I wasn’t going to rank these but I’m breaking that rule because Mister Bones is my favorite on this list. Just as a dog named Jeff will make me giggle, giving a formal title like Sir or Miss or Admiral to your dog will immediately cause me to fall to the ground and laugh uncontrollably for several minutes. The Bones surname, besides being an item dogs enjoy very much, makes it seem like this good boy is actually some sort of character out of a Halloween World where everyone is named Cathy Cobwebs or Pumpkins McGee. Anyway, onto the next one.
Cathy Cobwebs
Pumpkins McGee
jk but honestly, those ain’t bad
Combo
Okay okay, here’s a good dog name that’s not human nor is it a title. Combo is best given to a dog that is a mix of two other breeds, like this hilarious looking dog that walks by my work window all the time. Imagine a black lab but in a corgi body and you’ve got it right. The head’s the same size but the legs, oh the legs, they’re so stubby and short and waddle-ready that it really just breaks my heart!! That’s a Combo right there, that’s a good boy.
Alphonso
Alright, honestly most of these dog names are human names because they’re hilarious and, doggone it, I like to have a good time. Case in point: Alphonso, a cacophony of sounds and noises in one name. You’ve got the Al nickname, you’ve got the ‘ph’ instead of the ‘f’ (high marks) and you’ve got the ‘zo’ at the end which is a bang-up name ending! But it’s spelled with an S in the name! This is really just the swiss army knife of dog names and it checks every box I’ve arbitrarily made up in my criteria.
But it’s still not better than…
MISTER BONES
Anyway, I may not be ready to own a dog but I am very ready to name a dog. I have a list of six dog names, unranked, that I’d like to share with you now. Accompanying each name will be a picture of what I imagine this dog would look like.
Cobalt
 |
| i do not endorse petyourdog.biz |
Everyone, this is Cobalt. He was named so because Cobalt is objectively the coolest color name and not a half bad hue either. Saying the name ‘Cobalt’ lets your mouth string together a hard C, B and TEH sound which is both sonically and hard-palately pleasing. Cobalt, stop chewing on your foot.
Greg
 |
Waffles
 |
Awwwww, he’s eating his namesake!! Also funny as a dog name: food. To me, the funniest food name is Waffles: a breakfast meal that is zanily covered in squares and features both a W and two consecutive F’s. Hell, you could end it in a Z and you’ve hit maximum hilarity potential for a food dog name, imo. Plus it helps that waffles are better than pancakes DO NOT @ ME
Mister Bones
 |
Cathy Cobwebs
Pumpkins McGee
jk but honestly, those ain’t bad
Combo
 |
| combo, left, normal dog, right |
Okay okay, here’s a good dog name that’s not human nor is it a title. Combo is best given to a dog that is a mix of two other breeds, like this hilarious looking dog that walks by my work window all the time. Imagine a black lab but in a corgi body and you’ve got it right. The head’s the same size but the legs, oh the legs, they’re so stubby and short and waddle-ready that it really just breaks my heart!! That’s a Combo right there, that’s a good boy.
Alphonso
 |
| god is this not the most alphonso dog you’ve ever seen? |
Alright, honestly most of these dog names are human names because they’re hilarious and, doggone it, I like to have a good time. Case in point: Alphonso, a cacophony of sounds and noises in one name. You’ve got the Al nickname, you’ve got the ‘ph’ instead of the ‘f’ (high marks) and you’ve got the ‘zo’ at the end which is a bang-up name ending! But it’s spelled with an S in the name! This is really just the swiss army knife of dog names and it checks every box I’ve arbitrarily made up in my criteria.
But it’s still not better than…
MISTER BONES
 |
| this is actually kind of unsettling, sorry sorry im trying to remove it |
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