Refrigerator Beer Inventory Count: 14

In my refrigerator right now, my roommate and I have fourteen beers. Usually, we have many less than that, three or four or even zero. Fourteen is the high water mark and ladies and gentlemen, it feels great.

Have you ever had zero beers in your fridge? Perhaps you’re the luckiest among us, someone who does not deign to live without a sixer chilling in the chiller. You own some sort of direct pipeline from your nearest brewery and you are never without suds. I am not one of you and the nights I’ve closed the fridge door at 7pm with a frown on my face and an empty hand formed into the perfect aluminum can holding claw have been far too many. For what is a night without an ale but a sad metaphor for our times…

I dream of an era where every man, woman and of-age child will be able to crack a “Cold One” whenever they please whether it be after work, before dinner, after dinner, before the news, after the news or before bedding down for the night! In these strange and uncertain days, must we languish under the plight of water or milk before our nightly viewing of The Angry Beavers? No! We were put on this earth to do more, live more, DRINK MORE than just a goddamn glass of Kefir before meekly slipping under our bedsheets and submitting to The Time of Sleep yet again…

And so look to me, my friends, as one who is taking control of my destiny! I bought the 21st Amendment Brewery Summer Pack of wheat ales, IPAs and pale ales! I bought the six-pack of Grain Belt Premium tallboys! I have a roommate who bought some Surly Extra-Citra earlier today while I was still sleeping!

And if I can do it, so can you, comrade! Fill up that fridge with beer, live your best life and goddamnit, know your purpose as a human being.