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I Wish I Could Do Better Accents

To me, there is nothing funnier on this earth than a well-executed German accent by a non-German. The simultaneous high pitched squeaks and growly throat sounds mix with the baying ‘ya!’s and rollicking journey of the word ‘wienerschnitzel’ to form a sonic experience that I find hilarious and intensely appealing on every level.

So it is with great shame that I admit that I can’t do a good German accent! Oh sure, if I listened to Werner Herzog talk about the Tragedy of Man for an hour, I could probably draft off of him and ham up a conversation about Das Hofbrau Haus for five minutes but other than that, I got bupkus.


Soft German boy Üter from The Simpsons

(Side note: for a cacophony of German accents that make me spit with laughter every time I listen, please go enjoy comedian Andy Daly’s German character August Lindt on Comedy Bang Bang and The Andy Daly Podcast Pilot Project.)

I really find all accents funny, anything different from the apathetic and clinical Midwestern speech, and the place they really shine is in comedy. In improv specifically, so much is about finding a character and injecting them into whatever everyday conversation you’ve Yes-Anded yourself into. Oh, so your wife is leaving you for another man, your asshole boss, in fact, who just fired you that very day? That scene will be instantly funnier if you’re a Berliner named Augustus who pronounces ‘cucking’ like ‘coo-king’ and whines NEEEEIN! through his tears every thirty seconds. Just that little twist on the English language is so simple but so effectively hilarious to me that I can’t help but imitate accents whenever I hear them.

But I still haven’t really brought any accents to the improv classes I’m taking even though, to really pull off an accent, you just need to be exceedingly confident. Did your cockney tune morph into an Australian strine? Who cares, you’re still the only one brave enough to do an accent!

The dream is mastering every accent and there are apparently apps that will help you do that. I, for one, plan to fall asleep each night listening to the Flight of the Conchords to really nail that New Zealand brogue. The secret’s in the e’s, no soft ehhhhs in New Zealand, you’re a keewee from Weeellington, uhkaiiii? …Anyway, I’m still working on that one. If anyone knows how to mainline foreign patois, hit moy right topside, yanno? (That was Kristian’s made up Trafalgar Square bit.)

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